the master's sorrow
by kenihiko
Summary: Gloomy days make gloomy stories. A running self dialog with Hiko. From the time Kenshin leaves, until the end of the series. rated for language and gloom. hope it's okay let me know. wish i owned thse stories. but i don't so i'm poor.


The master's sorrow.

Do as you wish.

How I have come to hate those words.

What is he doing now?

How long ago had I said that?

This morning? It seems like forever. My heart broke at that time.

He left. I may never see him again.

My student.

My son.

The one I love above all others. Even myself.

I know where he will end up. And I know the outcome. I always have.

What could I have done?

Saying no would have broken his spirit.

Would have made him resentful, rebellious.

I never wanted to crack that fiery determination of his.

That was his power, his strength, his heart.

So I chose to have my own heart and soul blown to pieces.

It seems the light of my life has grown dimmer.

I drink until I am oblivious.

Hoping to numb the pain.

Maybe to sleep.

I miss him already.

I love him still.

That pure heart I had hoped to save would forever be clouded by pain and misery.

Such is the fate of Hiten Mitsurugi.

My fate.

Oblivion never comes.

The pain stays.

And sleep is unobtainable.

The pain is unbearable.

I feel the fissures growing larger by the second.

Why? Why had I said he could go?

Making him stay would not have been possible.

He would go, blessing or not.

If I had said no he would hate me, and be unwilling to learn.

So strong were his convictions.

They drove him away.

Death is the only outcome.

For both sides.

His joyous laughter still rings in my ears.

His anger beats hot flames around me.

I have never seen him cry.

Not once. Not even that night. Why?

I hate my self for this weakness.

Hate him for making me weak.

I love him more then life.

It was my destiny to meet him.

And to loose him.

Horrible stories reach me year after year.

With each new one I feel another stab at my heart.

I have lost him.

Even the rebellion leaders have no idea where his has gone.

Whispered stories slip by.

Sightings that may or may not be him.

Why can I no longer feel him?

We were of one mind.

He is lost.

His heart is smashed anyway.

Such is his fate.

And mine for training him this skill.

When he left that day I knew I was throwing him to the wolves.

Little did I know the wolves were literal not figurative.

Mibu's wolves.

His wondering started because of the love he lost.

The woman he fell in love with and killed.

The bitch who betrayed him.

Her I hate above all others.

He is at war with himself because of her.

I hate Katsura Kogro for throwing them together.

Perhaps another fate?

I hate him.

He took my love and tore his soul by asking him to kill for the greater good.

My student is safe.

He is across the country.

Edo, no Tokyo.

Safe. Warm. Loved?

Yes he has found love again.

Some one like me.

One who does not care about his past?

His heart begins to heal.

I can begin to be happy again.

He keeps his new loved ones close.

Rising to defend them with his life.

It happens again.

He is asked to kill again for the safety of his country.

Damn them all.

And damn me for starting him on this path.

The wolf returns to devour him once more.

They are equal.

Their hate for each other vibrates around them.

I hear he is coming to Kyoto.

Will I see him?

Will I feel him?

Someone comes, I know this presence.

My heart skips a beat.

He has returned.

He begs me for the final training.

He begs for my forgiveness.

I turn him down on both.

My heart breaks again.

His friends come.

I send him away.

They explain the reason they are here.

To plead for his life, which will be lost in the upcoming battle.

They love him.

They do not want him to die.

They fill my ears with the truth of his wandering.

He returns. I relent. I will teach him further.

I have him back. It is enough for now.

The battle is won

. His life force is low. He is bloody and battered.

He is alive.

The new life beckons him back.

His new home.

His new love.

Marriage and a child.

He is alive.

He is strong.

I feel old.

Our lives are complete.

I love him more then my own life.

I will die for him.

My pride and joy.

My son.

My love.


End file.
